A Writer's Pain

“A Writer’s Pain”
(Random Blogging Series #7 – Friday, December 25, 2009) – Christmas Reflection

Deshi Ramadhani, SJ

I got a phone call one day, asking me to write a short article in a magazine. Sensing the desperation in the caller’s voice, I said yes, even though the dead-line was just the following day. I did my best, finished the article, and e-mailed it. Then I got a phone call. With a mix of embarrassment and guilty feeling the caller told me that the editors had changed the theme, and my article simply would not be published.

There was another phone call. Same situation: a request for a short article that had to be sent within a couple of days. I put all my instincts of a writer at work. Given the very limited space, I had to edit it several times. Finally I thought that I had been able to put the best part right at the end as a surprise twist. It was supposed to be the “catchy phrase,” and I was quite happy with that (even tempted to tap on my own shoulder!).

Now imagine my reaction when it was published as scheduled. Even if I had not gone beyond the limited space, the published article had been truncated. Still worse, my best part, that “catchy phrase” that I had planned to become “the bomb” was simply not there! Of course, it’s the job of an editor. I’m quite familiar with that. Yet, still, to find that the best part of my article had completely been erased was rather unexpected.

As I was trying to reconcile myself with the pain, God seemed to show me something. How many times have I come to God, asked urgently for a help, and after it had been granted, I simply said to God, “I don’t need it any more. I changed my mind”? How many times has God given me all the best things that God could do, and I simply rejected them, for no clear reason whatsoever?

Thinking about Christmas? Well, if I can feel the pain of being used, neglected, rejected, misunderstood through my writing experience, how much more God can feel the pain writing that four letter word L O V E in the most intimate chamber of my heart? So I pray, that next year on Christmas I may be able to say “I’ve learned to let God help me; I didn’t give God too much pain.” Have a joyously blessed Christmas!