“At Four AM”
Lent 2010 – Day 23; Monday, March 15.
Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
I was awaken at 4 AM this morning by a text message: “I’ve arrived. Please open the door.” Without thinking twice I sprang out of my bed. I was expecting a good friend of mine, a Jesuit priest from another city. With half-closed eyes I managed to open the gate, but no one was there. I gave him a call, only to hear a calm voice: “I mean, I’ve arrived in the city, and I’ll be there in 15 minutes.”
Those 15 minutes became very precious. I could have had an extra 15 minutes of sleep. But I didn’t dare to put myself in back in bed. Instead, I got ready. Why? Even if he had stolen my precious 15 minutes of extra sleep, I didn’t want to make him wait. If I can be so determined not to let my friend wait, why on earth have I been making Jesus wait so long? Deep in my heart I still feel that echo of the threatening God.
Letting myself enter into God’s heart is a risky business. And letting God enter into my heart is dangerous. But isn’t it the danger that I actually have been longing for?
Showing posts with label heart. Show all posts
Showing posts with label heart. Show all posts
Monday, March 15, 2010
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Pretty Woman
“Pretty Woman”
Lent 2009 – Day 33 (Apr 03)
By Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
I arrived safely at the airport and walked directly to the gate. The person who had invited me would pick me up there. Well, the truth was, we didn’t really know each other, for we had only met once some months earlier. I walked slowly, tried hard to guess which one was my host. I got near the parking lot, and I couldn’t find him. As I reached my cell phone in my pocket, I had a sense that the crowd suddenly grew in excitement. I looked up, and there she was. No wonder, a pretty woman was passing by. People behind me commented, “She must be a model.” Yes, she was tall, slim, walked nicely, and most of all she was too aware that people were staring at her. For a split second I forgot that I had to make a phone call. I did it, and you know, my host was just five steps away in front of me. [I hope he didn’t notice that my jaw dropped when the pretty woman was passing by. Oh, well…].
Then I realized that I was wearing my red baseball cap. I couldn’t recognize him and his wife, and they couldn’t recognize me either. There we were, confused, trying to recognize each other, while other people around us were attracted by the pretty woman. It made me think hard. How attractive is Jesus for me? Well, honestly, is Jesus still very attractive? What about this first Friday? All we see is that pierced side of Jesus from which flow only blood and water. There is nothing special, and it is totally unattractive. But why do we, Roman Catholics, still consider the first Friday every month (and more so during Lent) to be so special?
When we look at Jesus’ side we actually see that Jesus is not the focus. His focus is us. Unlike any pretty models that inevitably are really “attention-getters,” Jesus is attractive because He is really an “attention-giver.” So as I look at His heart I actually look at myself. It is for His love for me that He let His heart be pierced. I think, when I become a sincere attention-giver, I can beat the attractiveness of any super models ever exist on this globe.
Lent 2009 – Day 33 (Apr 03)
By Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
I arrived safely at the airport and walked directly to the gate. The person who had invited me would pick me up there. Well, the truth was, we didn’t really know each other, for we had only met once some months earlier. I walked slowly, tried hard to guess which one was my host. I got near the parking lot, and I couldn’t find him. As I reached my cell phone in my pocket, I had a sense that the crowd suddenly grew in excitement. I looked up, and there she was. No wonder, a pretty woman was passing by. People behind me commented, “She must be a model.” Yes, she was tall, slim, walked nicely, and most of all she was too aware that people were staring at her. For a split second I forgot that I had to make a phone call. I did it, and you know, my host was just five steps away in front of me. [I hope he didn’t notice that my jaw dropped when the pretty woman was passing by. Oh, well…].
Then I realized that I was wearing my red baseball cap. I couldn’t recognize him and his wife, and they couldn’t recognize me either. There we were, confused, trying to recognize each other, while other people around us were attracted by the pretty woman. It made me think hard. How attractive is Jesus for me? Well, honestly, is Jesus still very attractive? What about this first Friday? All we see is that pierced side of Jesus from which flow only blood and water. There is nothing special, and it is totally unattractive. But why do we, Roman Catholics, still consider the first Friday every month (and more so during Lent) to be so special?
When we look at Jesus’ side we actually see that Jesus is not the focus. His focus is us. Unlike any pretty models that inevitably are really “attention-getters,” Jesus is attractive because He is really an “attention-giver.” So as I look at His heart I actually look at myself. It is for His love for me that He let His heart be pierced. I think, when I become a sincere attention-giver, I can beat the attractiveness of any super models ever exist on this globe.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Earlier Flight
“Earlier Flight”
Lent 2009 – Fifth Sunday Year B (Mar 29)
By Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
I arrived early at the airport for my return flight. Being so uplifted, I gave my best smile to the young lady at the check-in counter who also gave her best smile only to say, “Your flight will be an hour late, Sir.” My smile disappeared immediately. I moved to another counter to get an earlier flight. The man wrote down my name on the waiting list and said, “Please come back in half an hour, Sir” Later on I nervously stood in front of the counter, hoping against all hopes. Finally the verdict was announced, “No seat for you, Sir. This flight is already full.” I angrily moved to the previous counter, got my boarding pass, and waited with other angry passengers. [Well, I was lucky to have friends who in the meantime picked me up, treated me at a good Chinese restaurant, and dropped me back at the airport].
Looking back at how desperate I was to get a seat with the earlier flight, I can’t help asking, “I had my ticket confirmed, but why did I still fight for my fortune with an earlier flight, knowing that my chance was actually close to zero?” I did it because I wanted to beat the airplane company! Yes, we do funny and silly things when we face the probability of a long wait. It is even funnier if I compare it with my spiritual life. There I do exactly the opposite. No need to rush to become a better person! If possible, get the very last flight with many possible delays! The longer the delay, the more I feel secure.
The Israelites kept delaying themselves by continuously breaking the covenant with God. Surprisingly, God responded by making a new covenant with them and writing the Law in their hearts! No more explanations needed. When our hearts are deeply touched, we don’t even have the slightest idea of delaying. Since we don’t do it naturally, Jesus had to do the first move. He didn’t delay, knowing perfectly that a grain of wheat had to fall and die in order to live and to be life-giving. A delay would mean death for many people. If options are still open for you, choose the earlier flight, even the first one when it is still dark! Ironically, in spiritual life, we do funny and silly things for fear of being so early with God!
Lent 2009 – Fifth Sunday Year B (Mar 29)
By Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
I arrived early at the airport for my return flight. Being so uplifted, I gave my best smile to the young lady at the check-in counter who also gave her best smile only to say, “Your flight will be an hour late, Sir.” My smile disappeared immediately. I moved to another counter to get an earlier flight. The man wrote down my name on the waiting list and said, “Please come back in half an hour, Sir” Later on I nervously stood in front of the counter, hoping against all hopes. Finally the verdict was announced, “No seat for you, Sir. This flight is already full.” I angrily moved to the previous counter, got my boarding pass, and waited with other angry passengers. [Well, I was lucky to have friends who in the meantime picked me up, treated me at a good Chinese restaurant, and dropped me back at the airport].
Looking back at how desperate I was to get a seat with the earlier flight, I can’t help asking, “I had my ticket confirmed, but why did I still fight for my fortune with an earlier flight, knowing that my chance was actually close to zero?” I did it because I wanted to beat the airplane company! Yes, we do funny and silly things when we face the probability of a long wait. It is even funnier if I compare it with my spiritual life. There I do exactly the opposite. No need to rush to become a better person! If possible, get the very last flight with many possible delays! The longer the delay, the more I feel secure.
The Israelites kept delaying themselves by continuously breaking the covenant with God. Surprisingly, God responded by making a new covenant with them and writing the Law in their hearts! No more explanations needed. When our hearts are deeply touched, we don’t even have the slightest idea of delaying. Since we don’t do it naturally, Jesus had to do the first move. He didn’t delay, knowing perfectly that a grain of wheat had to fall and die in order to live and to be life-giving. A delay would mean death for many people. If options are still open for you, choose the earlier flight, even the first one when it is still dark! Ironically, in spiritual life, we do funny and silly things for fear of being so early with God!
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