“Did I Order It?”
Lent 2010 – Day 13; Wednesday, March 3.
Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
Have you ever tried a new menu in a new restaurant? Not knowing exactly what to order, I usually look at the picture. Of course, they know how to present good pictures that can make the food look good and so appealing. When the waitress comes, and put the plate in front of me, many times I ask “Did I order it?”
I have heard many times people complain “My life was better before becoming a Christian!” Don’t they know, what they have ordered? If Christianity is like a meal package, whatever you pick, be sure you’re ready to accept the complimentary side dish for free. That is, the cross! Cross is not an exception. It comes with the package.
The clearest sign that you’re on the right track is when you suffer because you do what is really “good,” not what “feels good”!
Showing posts with label cross. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cross. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Kissing Our Guilt
“Kissing Our Guilt”
Lent 2009 – Day 39 (Apr 10); Good Friday
By Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
[This is actually my homily on Good Friday which I delivered in Indonesian. Believe it or not, it was also the first time for me to preside at a Good Friday Liturgy]. Do you want to hear a terrible bad news? I’ve got one for you. Here it is: we have lost something precious, and we are not aware of it! What is this something very precious? Our sense of guilt! Yes, in the name of human self-fulfillment, we have become more and more allergic to the healthy and necessary sense of guilt. Why is it so? First, we have learned so well how to manipulate others by purposely incur the sense of guilt so that we can gain what we want. Look at relationship between a young man and his girlfriend. This young man can play and get what he wants from his girlfriend simply by replaying again the litany of her mistakes in the past. “Oh I see, you forgot to call me because you don’t love me anymore!” “Oh well, you always prefer your family to me!” “Right, your exam is more important than my love to you!” and on and on and on. That’s why we have no clue of what a healthy and necessary sense of guilt should be.
Second, we keep asking others to understand us. Look at the streets in Jakarta. When it rains, motor bikers will stop under the fly over right at the busy cross street, or just in the under pass tunnel. They don’t care if hundreds of cars are slowed down. All lanes are practically blocked by the parked motor cycles! Or, just look at how people stop at the traffic light. Many of them don’t care if they stop at the far left lane which is supposed for those who want to turn left. The result! All other cars behind are blocked, since there are some drivers who don’t want to wait. When they are reminded, either they get angry, or they show their miserable faces. Whatever they do, it is clear, that implicitly they say, “Please, understand me!” “Please, understand us, it is raining, and we need shelter!” “Please, understand me, I don’t have time to wait in the line!” and on and on and on. What they actually say is, “I’m not wrong! Why do you make a big case out of it?” No wonder, we have really lost our sense of guilt.
Third, we have become excellent liars against ourselves. We know that what we do is wrong, but we can cleverly find excuses, even spiritual and pious ones, that at night before going to bed, we can tap on our own shoulders and say, “Don’t worry, everything is OK!” and go to bed peacefully. This, I think, is the most serious one. Many of us have even begun to see that what is so wrong is OK! Just look at the good and beautiful and logical and theological and spiritual and psychological explanations about your wrong doings. How many times do we really say and admit honestly “Yes, I’m wrong”? Look at how easily we justify ourselves simply by saying, “Well, it just happened!” By saying this, we actually say, “I was not wrong. It was stronger than me. I was just a victim!” How many times we can say plainly, “Yes, I did it, and I know it was so wrong”?
Now, do you want to hear a soothing good news? I’ve got one for you. Here it is: even if we have lost our sense of guilt, even if we can’t say anymore “I’m wrong” or “I’m sorry,” there is a man like us, with flesh and blood who is willing to do it for us, even if this man is totally blameless. His name is Jesus! He is always willing to bear the burden of our mistakes. We even let Him do this. He lost His beautiful figure. He became so unlike any other human beings. We don’t want to look at Him! Yet, on Good Friday, we do exactly this: walking to the crucified and pay respect to Him. Some would touch, while others would kiss.
We do this not with a pity to that Man, but with a pity to ourselves. We kiss not only His wounds, but our own wounds. We don’t want to embrace our sense of guilt and let Him do this by being so inhumanly disfigured, nailed, wounded, and pierced. Yes, when I kiss His wounds, I actually kiss my long lost sense of guilt! Jesus will look from the cross and say gently, “When will you embrace back your healthy and necessary sense of guilt?”
Lent 2009 – Day 39 (Apr 10); Good Friday
By Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
[This is actually my homily on Good Friday which I delivered in Indonesian. Believe it or not, it was also the first time for me to preside at a Good Friday Liturgy]. Do you want to hear a terrible bad news? I’ve got one for you. Here it is: we have lost something precious, and we are not aware of it! What is this something very precious? Our sense of guilt! Yes, in the name of human self-fulfillment, we have become more and more allergic to the healthy and necessary sense of guilt. Why is it so? First, we have learned so well how to manipulate others by purposely incur the sense of guilt so that we can gain what we want. Look at relationship between a young man and his girlfriend. This young man can play and get what he wants from his girlfriend simply by replaying again the litany of her mistakes in the past. “Oh I see, you forgot to call me because you don’t love me anymore!” “Oh well, you always prefer your family to me!” “Right, your exam is more important than my love to you!” and on and on and on. That’s why we have no clue of what a healthy and necessary sense of guilt should be.
Second, we keep asking others to understand us. Look at the streets in Jakarta. When it rains, motor bikers will stop under the fly over right at the busy cross street, or just in the under pass tunnel. They don’t care if hundreds of cars are slowed down. All lanes are practically blocked by the parked motor cycles! Or, just look at how people stop at the traffic light. Many of them don’t care if they stop at the far left lane which is supposed for those who want to turn left. The result! All other cars behind are blocked, since there are some drivers who don’t want to wait. When they are reminded, either they get angry, or they show their miserable faces. Whatever they do, it is clear, that implicitly they say, “Please, understand me!” “Please, understand us, it is raining, and we need shelter!” “Please, understand me, I don’t have time to wait in the line!” and on and on and on. What they actually say is, “I’m not wrong! Why do you make a big case out of it?” No wonder, we have really lost our sense of guilt.
Third, we have become excellent liars against ourselves. We know that what we do is wrong, but we can cleverly find excuses, even spiritual and pious ones, that at night before going to bed, we can tap on our own shoulders and say, “Don’t worry, everything is OK!” and go to bed peacefully. This, I think, is the most serious one. Many of us have even begun to see that what is so wrong is OK! Just look at the good and beautiful and logical and theological and spiritual and psychological explanations about your wrong doings. How many times do we really say and admit honestly “Yes, I’m wrong”? Look at how easily we justify ourselves simply by saying, “Well, it just happened!” By saying this, we actually say, “I was not wrong. It was stronger than me. I was just a victim!” How many times we can say plainly, “Yes, I did it, and I know it was so wrong”?
Now, do you want to hear a soothing good news? I’ve got one for you. Here it is: even if we have lost our sense of guilt, even if we can’t say anymore “I’m wrong” or “I’m sorry,” there is a man like us, with flesh and blood who is willing to do it for us, even if this man is totally blameless. His name is Jesus! He is always willing to bear the burden of our mistakes. We even let Him do this. He lost His beautiful figure. He became so unlike any other human beings. We don’t want to look at Him! Yet, on Good Friday, we do exactly this: walking to the crucified and pay respect to Him. Some would touch, while others would kiss.
We do this not with a pity to that Man, but with a pity to ourselves. We kiss not only His wounds, but our own wounds. We don’t want to embrace our sense of guilt and let Him do this by being so inhumanly disfigured, nailed, wounded, and pierced. Yes, when I kiss His wounds, I actually kiss my long lost sense of guilt! Jesus will look from the cross and say gently, “When will you embrace back your healthy and necessary sense of guilt?”
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Precious Defect
“Precious Defect”
Lent 2009 – Day 30 (Mar 31)
By Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
We have an old TV set, with screen that immediately feels too small when nine pairs of eyes are focused on it. If you are not familiar with it, be very careful when you turn it on. Once it is on, the volume will reach its peak, loud enough to wake the whole house up and you will nervously push the volume button to decrease it. With good familiarity you will know how to do it right. You simply need to follow a certain procedure, combining two remote controls, one for the cable device, and one for the TV set. In any case, at least, every now and then, with such sudden loud noise, we can be sure that the TV set is still there and still works. The sign of its presence is precisely its defect!
In the desert the Israelites had to accept the fact that they were not in a nice air-conditioned room with puffy sofas and a big pitcher of cold iced lemon tea. Food and drink in the desert are certainly unlike the ones you find on a restaurant menu. Walking in the desert was always walking with all the defects. In fact, all the defects clearly showed that they were really moving forward, not backward to Egypt. The defects in the journey were actually good signs. Now think of the Cross. Christians even proudly lift it up to tell the whole world that this disgusting defect is indeed our good sign. All the imperfections in you right now are signs of your moving forward and signs that you still exist.
Go to a factory outlet and you will most probably find stuffs with all the hidden defects. Yet when you see the slight defect, you can still convince yourself that it’s OK. Why? Because at least you can join the high class celebrities who walk around with their Gucci, Louis Vuitton, Yves Saint Laurent, Armani, Salvatore Ferragamo, Hugo Boss, Tommy Hilfiger, and other big legends. You don’t focus on the defect, since you want to embrace the big names attached on it. No one doubts that the Cross is the nastiest defect, yet we choose it, knowing that a really big name is attached to it, and his name is Jesus!
Lent 2009 – Day 30 (Mar 31)
By Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
We have an old TV set, with screen that immediately feels too small when nine pairs of eyes are focused on it. If you are not familiar with it, be very careful when you turn it on. Once it is on, the volume will reach its peak, loud enough to wake the whole house up and you will nervously push the volume button to decrease it. With good familiarity you will know how to do it right. You simply need to follow a certain procedure, combining two remote controls, one for the cable device, and one for the TV set. In any case, at least, every now and then, with such sudden loud noise, we can be sure that the TV set is still there and still works. The sign of its presence is precisely its defect!
In the desert the Israelites had to accept the fact that they were not in a nice air-conditioned room with puffy sofas and a big pitcher of cold iced lemon tea. Food and drink in the desert are certainly unlike the ones you find on a restaurant menu. Walking in the desert was always walking with all the defects. In fact, all the defects clearly showed that they were really moving forward, not backward to Egypt. The defects in the journey were actually good signs. Now think of the Cross. Christians even proudly lift it up to tell the whole world that this disgusting defect is indeed our good sign. All the imperfections in you right now are signs of your moving forward and signs that you still exist.
Go to a factory outlet and you will most probably find stuffs with all the hidden defects. Yet when you see the slight defect, you can still convince yourself that it’s OK. Why? Because at least you can join the high class celebrities who walk around with their Gucci, Louis Vuitton, Yves Saint Laurent, Armani, Salvatore Ferragamo, Hugo Boss, Tommy Hilfiger, and other big legends. You don’t focus on the defect, since you want to embrace the big names attached on it. No one doubts that the Cross is the nastiest defect, yet we choose it, knowing that a really big name is attached to it, and his name is Jesus!
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Corneal Infection
“Corneal Infection”
Lent 2009 – Day 27 (Mar 27)
By Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
It was summer 1993, my first summer in Europe. After my first year in Rome I spent the first weeks of my summer vacation in The Hague in Holland. My mom, who at that time was still active in her garment business, came with my sister to participate in a fashion show. After some days with all the good-looking models, I began to feel something odd with my eyes. [Please, don’t think it was simply a matter of cause and effect!]. Everything collapsed when I learned that it was a corneal infection. I made every body go into troubles, from ophthalmologist visit to health insurance. Even worse, my eyes became so sensitive to light. I really hated any kind of light and preferred staying in the dark with my eyes tightly shut. Even a gentle ray of morning sunlight felt like a super bright spot light directed right on my eyes! A cloudy or even rainy day was perfect!
The problem was not with the light, but with my eyes. What was actually normal and pleasant became so threatening and burdensome. Jesus moved on with His mission from the Father. People began to be more irritated by the light He offered and tried everything possible to get away from it. Instead of curing the “eyes,” they made plot to eliminate the “light.” Yes, when with God’s grace I make some improvements in my spiritual life, even the gentle ray of that initial goodness in me may appear as a disturbing light for others. This, as Saint Ignatius of Loyola suggests, is typical of how the good spirit will be hindered by the evil spirit. When you are getting better, you will hear voice within you that convinces you that it is useless. Yes, you may even be convinced and say, “I’m a sinner. There is no way I can be better. Why still give it a try? Why fight if I will lose?”
When you are good and people around you like you, it is called encouragement, and it makes you “feel good.” When you are good and people around you hate you, it is called “the cross,” and it makes you “really good,” although you feel awful. Yes, when they hate you like this, be sure, the problem is not with the light in you, but with the eyes in them! Your cross makes them feel the serious corneal infection in their spiritual sight.
Lent 2009 – Day 27 (Mar 27)
By Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
It was summer 1993, my first summer in Europe. After my first year in Rome I spent the first weeks of my summer vacation in The Hague in Holland. My mom, who at that time was still active in her garment business, came with my sister to participate in a fashion show. After some days with all the good-looking models, I began to feel something odd with my eyes. [Please, don’t think it was simply a matter of cause and effect!]. Everything collapsed when I learned that it was a corneal infection. I made every body go into troubles, from ophthalmologist visit to health insurance. Even worse, my eyes became so sensitive to light. I really hated any kind of light and preferred staying in the dark with my eyes tightly shut. Even a gentle ray of morning sunlight felt like a super bright spot light directed right on my eyes! A cloudy or even rainy day was perfect!
The problem was not with the light, but with my eyes. What was actually normal and pleasant became so threatening and burdensome. Jesus moved on with His mission from the Father. People began to be more irritated by the light He offered and tried everything possible to get away from it. Instead of curing the “eyes,” they made plot to eliminate the “light.” Yes, when with God’s grace I make some improvements in my spiritual life, even the gentle ray of that initial goodness in me may appear as a disturbing light for others. This, as Saint Ignatius of Loyola suggests, is typical of how the good spirit will be hindered by the evil spirit. When you are getting better, you will hear voice within you that convinces you that it is useless. Yes, you may even be convinced and say, “I’m a sinner. There is no way I can be better. Why still give it a try? Why fight if I will lose?”
When you are good and people around you like you, it is called encouragement, and it makes you “feel good.” When you are good and people around you hate you, it is called “the cross,” and it makes you “really good,” although you feel awful. Yes, when they hate you like this, be sure, the problem is not with the light in you, but with the eyes in them! Your cross makes them feel the serious corneal infection in their spiritual sight.
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