"Inside a Jaguar"
By Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
Thursday, February 16, 2012
I was recently invited by a family for a lunch. They had promised to send a car to pick me up. I was so surprised when I saw a brand new Jaguar entering our parking lot. Apparently, they wanted to treat me well. So I got in, and as you can guess, I was stunned by everything inside. I was almost literally frozen, because I was afraid that I would do something that would make a scratch or a scar. Yes, I admit, it did feel so so so good. I felt like being in a completely different world.
Later that day, I had to say Mass in memory of one of our beloved sisters. It was a remembrance Mass, one year after her death. She had been diagnosed with a very rare, aggressive, and deadly cancer. Her death after only several months since the first diagnosis was so painful, although we knew that it was a liberation for her. I know that now she is in another world, completely different from the one I live in. And I know, it must feel so so so good up there.
Both experiences became an invitation for me to see death from a different perspective. If I could enjoy and feel so good only in tasting that "beautiful world" inside that Jaguar, how much more God has in store for us. The bliss of eternity is way more than the short glimpse inside that Jaguar. Although death of a loved one is always painful, I want to believe that in the end, it must feel so so so good for the one moving from among us to be with God.
P.S. Well, it's embarrassing to admit that I wouldn't mind another trip with that Jaguar, a longer one if possible. Oh no, this should not be read as part of the spiritual reflection.
Showing posts with label good. Show all posts
Showing posts with label good. Show all posts
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Monday, March 22, 2010
It Feels Good
“It Feels Good”
Lent 2010 – Day 29; Monday, March 22.
Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
Waking up early in the morning has become a real challenge for me. It’s a simple daily exercise to see clearly the difference between “what is good” and “what feels good.” Continuing my sleep certainly feels good, but it is not the good thing to do, since every morning I have to (and I want to) say Mass for my younger Jesuits.
I believe that at the end, the basic challenge in my faith journey is all about knowing the difference between “what is good” and “what feels good.” Once I know the difference, a lot bigger challenge will present itself before me, namely, the daunting question: “What do I choose?” To choose well requires freedom.
Such inner freedom will bring me further. Even if I do what is good for others, I still need to answer honestly: “Whose need is being met here? Others’ or mine?”
Lent 2010 – Day 29; Monday, March 22.
Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
Waking up early in the morning has become a real challenge for me. It’s a simple daily exercise to see clearly the difference between “what is good” and “what feels good.” Continuing my sleep certainly feels good, but it is not the good thing to do, since every morning I have to (and I want to) say Mass for my younger Jesuits.
I believe that at the end, the basic challenge in my faith journey is all about knowing the difference between “what is good” and “what feels good.” Once I know the difference, a lot bigger challenge will present itself before me, namely, the daunting question: “What do I choose?” To choose well requires freedom.
Such inner freedom will bring me further. Even if I do what is good for others, I still need to answer honestly: “Whose need is being met here? Others’ or mine?”
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Did I Order It?
“Did I Order It?”
Lent 2010 – Day 13; Wednesday, March 3.
Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
Have you ever tried a new menu in a new restaurant? Not knowing exactly what to order, I usually look at the picture. Of course, they know how to present good pictures that can make the food look good and so appealing. When the waitress comes, and put the plate in front of me, many times I ask “Did I order it?”
I have heard many times people complain “My life was better before becoming a Christian!” Don’t they know, what they have ordered? If Christianity is like a meal package, whatever you pick, be sure you’re ready to accept the complimentary side dish for free. That is, the cross! Cross is not an exception. It comes with the package.
The clearest sign that you’re on the right track is when you suffer because you do what is really “good,” not what “feels good”!
Lent 2010 – Day 13; Wednesday, March 3.
Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
Have you ever tried a new menu in a new restaurant? Not knowing exactly what to order, I usually look at the picture. Of course, they know how to present good pictures that can make the food look good and so appealing. When the waitress comes, and put the plate in front of me, many times I ask “Did I order it?”
I have heard many times people complain “My life was better before becoming a Christian!” Don’t they know, what they have ordered? If Christianity is like a meal package, whatever you pick, be sure you’re ready to accept the complimentary side dish for free. That is, the cross! Cross is not an exception. It comes with the package.
The clearest sign that you’re on the right track is when you suffer because you do what is really “good,” not what “feels good”!
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Corneal Infection
“Corneal Infection”
Lent 2009 – Day 27 (Mar 27)
By Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
It was summer 1993, my first summer in Europe. After my first year in Rome I spent the first weeks of my summer vacation in The Hague in Holland. My mom, who at that time was still active in her garment business, came with my sister to participate in a fashion show. After some days with all the good-looking models, I began to feel something odd with my eyes. [Please, don’t think it was simply a matter of cause and effect!]. Everything collapsed when I learned that it was a corneal infection. I made every body go into troubles, from ophthalmologist visit to health insurance. Even worse, my eyes became so sensitive to light. I really hated any kind of light and preferred staying in the dark with my eyes tightly shut. Even a gentle ray of morning sunlight felt like a super bright spot light directed right on my eyes! A cloudy or even rainy day was perfect!
The problem was not with the light, but with my eyes. What was actually normal and pleasant became so threatening and burdensome. Jesus moved on with His mission from the Father. People began to be more irritated by the light He offered and tried everything possible to get away from it. Instead of curing the “eyes,” they made plot to eliminate the “light.” Yes, when with God’s grace I make some improvements in my spiritual life, even the gentle ray of that initial goodness in me may appear as a disturbing light for others. This, as Saint Ignatius of Loyola suggests, is typical of how the good spirit will be hindered by the evil spirit. When you are getting better, you will hear voice within you that convinces you that it is useless. Yes, you may even be convinced and say, “I’m a sinner. There is no way I can be better. Why still give it a try? Why fight if I will lose?”
When you are good and people around you like you, it is called encouragement, and it makes you “feel good.” When you are good and people around you hate you, it is called “the cross,” and it makes you “really good,” although you feel awful. Yes, when they hate you like this, be sure, the problem is not with the light in you, but with the eyes in them! Your cross makes them feel the serious corneal infection in their spiritual sight.
Lent 2009 – Day 27 (Mar 27)
By Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
It was summer 1993, my first summer in Europe. After my first year in Rome I spent the first weeks of my summer vacation in The Hague in Holland. My mom, who at that time was still active in her garment business, came with my sister to participate in a fashion show. After some days with all the good-looking models, I began to feel something odd with my eyes. [Please, don’t think it was simply a matter of cause and effect!]. Everything collapsed when I learned that it was a corneal infection. I made every body go into troubles, from ophthalmologist visit to health insurance. Even worse, my eyes became so sensitive to light. I really hated any kind of light and preferred staying in the dark with my eyes tightly shut. Even a gentle ray of morning sunlight felt like a super bright spot light directed right on my eyes! A cloudy or even rainy day was perfect!
The problem was not with the light, but with my eyes. What was actually normal and pleasant became so threatening and burdensome. Jesus moved on with His mission from the Father. People began to be more irritated by the light He offered and tried everything possible to get away from it. Instead of curing the “eyes,” they made plot to eliminate the “light.” Yes, when with God’s grace I make some improvements in my spiritual life, even the gentle ray of that initial goodness in me may appear as a disturbing light for others. This, as Saint Ignatius of Loyola suggests, is typical of how the good spirit will be hindered by the evil spirit. When you are getting better, you will hear voice within you that convinces you that it is useless. Yes, you may even be convinced and say, “I’m a sinner. There is no way I can be better. Why still give it a try? Why fight if I will lose?”
When you are good and people around you like you, it is called encouragement, and it makes you “feel good.” When you are good and people around you hate you, it is called “the cross,” and it makes you “really good,” although you feel awful. Yes, when they hate you like this, be sure, the problem is not with the light in you, but with the eyes in them! Your cross makes them feel the serious corneal infection in their spiritual sight.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Winner or Looser?
“Winner or Looser?”
Lent 2009 – Day 22 (Mar 21)
By Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
I was driving to give my evening lecture yesterday when I saw a tiny city car waiting to get in. I slowed down, let that car in, and felt good about it. However, as we were approaching the traffic light and I saw that it was green, my attitude changed. I began to be anxious, kept looking at the green light, and impatiently honked several times as I angrily said, “Come on lady, speed up!” That tiny car in front of me had just passed through, when the green light turned yellow, and immediately red. I stopped angrily. “This is what I got for being nice!” After that, when I saw a car waiting to get in, I sped up and honked aggressively. I did it twice. Hooray…! For a moment, there was a sense of victory. I lost the battle against one tiny car, but I won the battle against two bigger ones! This actually means: “I lost when I was good; I won when I was bad!”
The more I drive in this chaotic Jakarta, the more I realize that city streets can become a battlefield between “a looser” and “a winner.” However, the real battlefield is in my own heart. How I want to win the battle? By being and doing good, or by being and doing bad? The Pharisee believes that he is a winner, because he has done many good things. Another man, a tax collector, believes that he is a looser, because all that he has done were bad. Yet, in terms of honesty before God, the Pharisee is a looser, and the tax collector is a winner. How come? When I sin, I wound myself, but God will bandage my wounds. When I sin, I become a looser, but when I admit and confess my sins to God, I become a winner. Loosing and winning doesn’t depend simply on a list of bad or good deeds. It requires a personal heart-to-heart relationship with God.
Holiness is not just about avoiding what is bad, but also about doing what is good. Never buy the city street wisdom “When you are good, you are a looser; when you are bad, you are a winner.” Embrace the real truth: “When you are good, you might become a looser in the eyes of people around you, but you are a winner in the eyes of God!”
Lent 2009 – Day 22 (Mar 21)
By Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
I was driving to give my evening lecture yesterday when I saw a tiny city car waiting to get in. I slowed down, let that car in, and felt good about it. However, as we were approaching the traffic light and I saw that it was green, my attitude changed. I began to be anxious, kept looking at the green light, and impatiently honked several times as I angrily said, “Come on lady, speed up!” That tiny car in front of me had just passed through, when the green light turned yellow, and immediately red. I stopped angrily. “This is what I got for being nice!” After that, when I saw a car waiting to get in, I sped up and honked aggressively. I did it twice. Hooray…! For a moment, there was a sense of victory. I lost the battle against one tiny car, but I won the battle against two bigger ones! This actually means: “I lost when I was good; I won when I was bad!”
The more I drive in this chaotic Jakarta, the more I realize that city streets can become a battlefield between “a looser” and “a winner.” However, the real battlefield is in my own heart. How I want to win the battle? By being and doing good, or by being and doing bad? The Pharisee believes that he is a winner, because he has done many good things. Another man, a tax collector, believes that he is a looser, because all that he has done were bad. Yet, in terms of honesty before God, the Pharisee is a looser, and the tax collector is a winner. How come? When I sin, I wound myself, but God will bandage my wounds. When I sin, I become a looser, but when I admit and confess my sins to God, I become a winner. Loosing and winning doesn’t depend simply on a list of bad or good deeds. It requires a personal heart-to-heart relationship with God.
Holiness is not just about avoiding what is bad, but also about doing what is good. Never buy the city street wisdom “When you are good, you are a looser; when you are bad, you are a winner.” Embrace the real truth: “When you are good, you might become a looser in the eyes of people around you, but you are a winner in the eyes of God!”
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)