“We Can’t Let You Leave”
Lent 2010 – Day 34b; Palm Sunday, March 28.
Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
Last Tuesday I had to go to Manila. Since this was not my first time, I took the whole thing too easily. I printed my departure ticket on the very last minute before heading to the airport, and didn’t even bother to print my return ticket. Then, the nightmare came. Without the return ticket, the guy on the check-in counter said: “We can’t let you leave.”
I had to make phone calls. The return e-ticket shown on my Blackberry screen was not enough. As I was waiting, that seemed forever, I asked myself: “Why don’t they let me leave?” Luckily the guy at the counter was generous enough to find a solution. I could leave. Yet my question has already been ingrained in my mind.
Thinking of this holy week of Jesus’ passion and death, I began to see a symbolic meaning in my experience. Jesus was willing to suffer because He won’t let me leave. Many times I have thought of freedom which is actually a new kind of bondage in Jesus’ eyes. I have tried to convince Him to let me go, but Jesus has never given in.
Showing posts with label freedom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label freedom. Show all posts
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
It Feels Good
“It Feels Good”
Lent 2010 – Day 29; Monday, March 22.
Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
Waking up early in the morning has become a real challenge for me. It’s a simple daily exercise to see clearly the difference between “what is good” and “what feels good.” Continuing my sleep certainly feels good, but it is not the good thing to do, since every morning I have to (and I want to) say Mass for my younger Jesuits.
I believe that at the end, the basic challenge in my faith journey is all about knowing the difference between “what is good” and “what feels good.” Once I know the difference, a lot bigger challenge will present itself before me, namely, the daunting question: “What do I choose?” To choose well requires freedom.
Such inner freedom will bring me further. Even if I do what is good for others, I still need to answer honestly: “Whose need is being met here? Others’ or mine?”
Lent 2010 – Day 29; Monday, March 22.
Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
Waking up early in the morning has become a real challenge for me. It’s a simple daily exercise to see clearly the difference between “what is good” and “what feels good.” Continuing my sleep certainly feels good, but it is not the good thing to do, since every morning I have to (and I want to) say Mass for my younger Jesuits.
I believe that at the end, the basic challenge in my faith journey is all about knowing the difference between “what is good” and “what feels good.” Once I know the difference, a lot bigger challenge will present itself before me, namely, the daunting question: “What do I choose?” To choose well requires freedom.
Such inner freedom will bring me further. Even if I do what is good for others, I still need to answer honestly: “Whose need is being met here? Others’ or mine?”
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Sign of Strength
“Sign of Strength”
Lent 2010 – Day 18; Tuesday, March 9.
Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
I realize that I get angry easily whenever another vehicle edges into my lane. My first reaction is usually honking loudly. If I have extra time I’ll do my best to beat it back. When there’s enough space, I’d speed up, edge back into the lane, and brake a bit to create suspense. I feel victorious.
That kind of anger is actually a sign of my weakness. It’s like letting all my dignity be disturbed by simple thing. Sometimes I need to tell myself: “Take it easy. Your dignity is way too high to be robbed by such thing.” It’s not always easy. Yet, when I do refuse to revenge, I actually show my true strength.
When I decide not to forgive others who hurt me, I actually inflict upon myself a lot more severe punishment. I put myself in chains. When I forgive, I set myself free.
Lent 2010 – Day 18; Tuesday, March 9.
Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
I realize that I get angry easily whenever another vehicle edges into my lane. My first reaction is usually honking loudly. If I have extra time I’ll do my best to beat it back. When there’s enough space, I’d speed up, edge back into the lane, and brake a bit to create suspense. I feel victorious.
That kind of anger is actually a sign of my weakness. It’s like letting all my dignity be disturbed by simple thing. Sometimes I need to tell myself: “Take it easy. Your dignity is way too high to be robbed by such thing.” It’s not always easy. Yet, when I do refuse to revenge, I actually show my true strength.
When I decide not to forgive others who hurt me, I actually inflict upon myself a lot more severe punishment. I put myself in chains. When I forgive, I set myself free.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Sickly Boy
“Sickly Boy”
Lent 2010 – Day 11; Monday, March 1.
Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
When I was a little boy, I used to be sickly. I disappointed my big brother for not being able to play outside with him. I made my dad feel desperate. I made my mom worry. My little sister became my closest friend. People around me kept making a remark: “You are such a sickly boy.” Without knowing it, I began to internalize it and convince myself: Yes, I’m sickly.
I bore that remark for many years. My fellow seminarians, as well as my Jesuit brothers, continued the same remark. Then the day of liberation arrived. I was sent to Rome. No one knew my history. No one made that remark. And guess what? I became healthier and healthier. Today, every time I do my exercises, I remember that liberation. Innocent judgment can be deadly!
If Lent is time to be set free one more time, it’s also my responsibility to set others free. To do that, I would begin by turning my judgments against others into words of appreciation.
Lent 2010 – Day 11; Monday, March 1.
Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
When I was a little boy, I used to be sickly. I disappointed my big brother for not being able to play outside with him. I made my dad feel desperate. I made my mom worry. My little sister became my closest friend. People around me kept making a remark: “You are such a sickly boy.” Without knowing it, I began to internalize it and convince myself: Yes, I’m sickly.
I bore that remark for many years. My fellow seminarians, as well as my Jesuit brothers, continued the same remark. Then the day of liberation arrived. I was sent to Rome. No one knew my history. No one made that remark. And guess what? I became healthier and healthier. Today, every time I do my exercises, I remember that liberation. Innocent judgment can be deadly!
If Lent is time to be set free one more time, it’s also my responsibility to set others free. To do that, I would begin by turning my judgments against others into words of appreciation.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Parliamo Italiano
“Parliamo Italiano”
Lent 2009 – Day 31 (Apr 01)
By Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
An old friend from Rome is in town. I had a dinner with him last night at the hotel where he stays. Driving through the heavy traffic, I made some mental exercises. After several years away from Italy, I had to pick up the language quickly. Then one big question came. How should I greet him? Of course a hug is the most natural thing Italians would do, but how? Americans would give one’s right side of the body as they hug. I vaguely remembered that with some French friends I used to give “a package of three”: left-right-left cheek. I was not sure about how Italians do it: is it left first, and then right? When I met him, I gave my hug, but without realizing it, I mixed it with the American way: right first, then left! Thank God, my friend didn’t embarrass me. Later as we exchanged stories at table, I kept stumbling, trying hard to find back the right Italian words to say. I was not really free as I used to be when I was still in Rome (well, eleven years have passed since I left).
Being free is not simply a matter of knowing, but more than that, it is a matter of personal engagement. No wonder Jesus had a hard time to tell His listeners, “The truth will make you free.” This is not the truth that one can read in a book. Even in the Bible you can’t find this truth. King Nebuchadnezzar couldn’t understand the truth that made Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego so free and willing to prefer the fiery furnace! Yes, this is about truth rooted in personal engagement with God. Each one of us will find it personally in a very unique way.
Even if last night I could rather proudly make those close to our table really hear that “parliamo italiano” (we speak Italian), I was not really free. I still know the language and the culture, but I miss my personal engagement. For me, Jesus’ words now sound, “Deshi, do you want to know the truth that will set you free? Just let yourself be deeply engaged with Me.” In other words, I can be free only by being chained to God’s love!
Lent 2009 – Day 31 (Apr 01)
By Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
An old friend from Rome is in town. I had a dinner with him last night at the hotel where he stays. Driving through the heavy traffic, I made some mental exercises. After several years away from Italy, I had to pick up the language quickly. Then one big question came. How should I greet him? Of course a hug is the most natural thing Italians would do, but how? Americans would give one’s right side of the body as they hug. I vaguely remembered that with some French friends I used to give “a package of three”: left-right-left cheek. I was not sure about how Italians do it: is it left first, and then right? When I met him, I gave my hug, but without realizing it, I mixed it with the American way: right first, then left! Thank God, my friend didn’t embarrass me. Later as we exchanged stories at table, I kept stumbling, trying hard to find back the right Italian words to say. I was not really free as I used to be when I was still in Rome (well, eleven years have passed since I left).
Being free is not simply a matter of knowing, but more than that, it is a matter of personal engagement. No wonder Jesus had a hard time to tell His listeners, “The truth will make you free.” This is not the truth that one can read in a book. Even in the Bible you can’t find this truth. King Nebuchadnezzar couldn’t understand the truth that made Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego so free and willing to prefer the fiery furnace! Yes, this is about truth rooted in personal engagement with God. Each one of us will find it personally in a very unique way.
Even if last night I could rather proudly make those close to our table really hear that “parliamo italiano” (we speak Italian), I was not really free. I still know the language and the culture, but I miss my personal engagement. For me, Jesus’ words now sound, “Deshi, do you want to know the truth that will set you free? Just let yourself be deeply engaged with Me.” In other words, I can be free only by being chained to God’s love!
Monday, March 9, 2009
Forgiveness-Addict
“Forgiveness-Addict”
Lent 2009 – Day 11 (Mar 9)
By Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
The English word “addiction” comes from Latin “addicere,” which is a combination of “ad” (to) and “dicere” (say). Literally, it means “to say to (something),” or more precisely “to say yes to (something).” Hence, an addict is nonetheless “a devotee.” If you are addicted, you are “devoted” in the very meaning of the word. Yet, if initially “addicere” points to your freedom to say yes, today it points to your lack thereof. It means just the opposite. When you are addicted, you are dependant, chained, enslaved, not free!
Someone says that if we want to change the world, we can begin by bringing back the original meaning to every word. If this is true, I can proudly say “I am a forgiveness-addict.” It works both ways. I realize that I’m really dependant on God’s forgiveness as well as others’. I can’t live without forgiveness. The moment God or others stop to supply me with forgiveness, I certainly die. Yet, at the same time, I have to renew my choice everyday that I want to devote myself to be forgiven and to forgive.
Forgiveness is the life-giving blood of the covenant between God and me, a covenant between a faithful God and an unfaithful me. Should I measure up others or myself, that measurement is forgiveness. If I am a real forgiveness-addict, I’m on the right track to be set free.
Lent 2009 – Day 11 (Mar 9)
By Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
The English word “addiction” comes from Latin “addicere,” which is a combination of “ad” (to) and “dicere” (say). Literally, it means “to say to (something),” or more precisely “to say yes to (something).” Hence, an addict is nonetheless “a devotee.” If you are addicted, you are “devoted” in the very meaning of the word. Yet, if initially “addicere” points to your freedom to say yes, today it points to your lack thereof. It means just the opposite. When you are addicted, you are dependant, chained, enslaved, not free!
Someone says that if we want to change the world, we can begin by bringing back the original meaning to every word. If this is true, I can proudly say “I am a forgiveness-addict.” It works both ways. I realize that I’m really dependant on God’s forgiveness as well as others’. I can’t live without forgiveness. The moment God or others stop to supply me with forgiveness, I certainly die. Yet, at the same time, I have to renew my choice everyday that I want to devote myself to be forgiven and to forgive.
Forgiveness is the life-giving blood of the covenant between God and me, a covenant between a faithful God and an unfaithful me. Should I measure up others or myself, that measurement is forgiveness. If I am a real forgiveness-addict, I’m on the right track to be set free.
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