Excellent Liar

“Excellent Liar”
Lent 2009 – Day 35 (Apr 06)

By Deshi Ramadhani, SJ

People have been debating for ages on the so-called “white lies.” Is it OK to lie for a good reason? Can the benefit pursued justify the lie? Where is the limit between the “white” and the “black” lie? Others argue, that white lie doesn’t mean that you tell what is not true, but you don’t tell the whole truth. In other words, you don’t really lie, but you simply hold back some truth. So here we are. When a husband is asked by his wife, “Where were you?” he simply says “I was at the office.” Sure, he was at the office. But this is not the whole truth. What he actually did at the office is another story. In other words, he said the truth, but he holds some of it. He does not lie to his wife, but he does lie to himself. This is a lot more damaging!

Honestly, this is one of my biggest fears in my spiritual journey. The more I know about faith, or God, or religion, or spirituality, the bigger the danger for me to lie to myself. I can cleverly justify and argue with myself what sin really means. I can write pages of good meditation to convince myself that everything is OK, while everybody else can see clearly that it is not so. This is the case with Judas Iscariot. He tells the truth, that the ointment that Mary used for Jesus is very expensive. He tells the truth, that it can be sold and the money can be given to the poor. Here we see a man who has really become an excellent liar, and the victim is himself. He feels that he plays it safe, but he is destroying himself. How sad.

These days we are invited to look at that Man, Jesus, who holds on the whole truth and strives hard to make us see again what it means to be human beings. So, look for the lies in your heart and bring them to light. That’s the first step to go to the resurrection.

Parliamo Italiano

“Parliamo Italiano”
Lent 2009 – Day 31 (Apr 01)

By Deshi Ramadhani, SJ

An old friend from Rome is in town. I had a dinner with him last night at the hotel where he stays. Driving through the heavy traffic, I made some mental exercises. After several years away from Italy, I had to pick up the language quickly. Then one big question came. How should I greet him? Of course a hug is the most natural thing Italians would do, but how? Americans would give one’s right side of the body as they hug. I vaguely remembered that with some French friends I used to give “a package of three”: left-right-left cheek. I was not sure about how Italians do it: is it left first, and then right? When I met him, I gave my hug, but without realizing it, I mixed it with the American way: right first, then left! Thank God, my friend didn’t embarrass me. Later as we exchanged stories at table, I kept stumbling, trying hard to find back the right Italian words to say. I was not really free as I used to be when I was still in Rome (well, eleven years have passed since I left).

Being free is not simply a matter of knowing, but more than that, it is a matter of personal engagement. No wonder Jesus had a hard time to tell His listeners, “The truth will make you free.” This is not the truth that one can read in a book. Even in the Bible you can’t find this truth. King Nebuchadnezzar couldn’t understand the truth that made Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego so free and willing to prefer the fiery furnace! Yes, this is about truth rooted in personal engagement with God. Each one of us will find it personally in a very unique way.

Even if last night I could rather proudly make those close to our table really hear that “parliamo italiano” (we speak Italian), I was not really free. I still know the language and the culture, but I miss my personal engagement. For me, Jesus’ words now sound, “Deshi, do you want to know the truth that will set you free? Just let yourself be deeply engaged with Me.” In other words, I can be free only by being chained to God’s love!