"Inside a Jaguar"
By Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
Thursday, February 16, 2012
I was recently invited by a family for a lunch. They had promised to send a car to pick me up. I was so surprised when I saw a brand new Jaguar entering our parking lot. Apparently, they wanted to treat me well. So I got in, and as you can guess, I was stunned by everything inside. I was almost literally frozen, because I was afraid that I would do something that would make a scratch or a scar. Yes, I admit, it did feel so so so good. I felt like being in a completely different world.
Later that day, I had to say Mass in memory of one of our beloved sisters. It was a remembrance Mass, one year after her death. She had been diagnosed with a very rare, aggressive, and deadly cancer. Her death after only several months since the first diagnosis was so painful, although we knew that it was a liberation for her. I know that now she is in another world, completely different from the one I live in. And I know, it must feel so so so good up there.
Both experiences became an invitation for me to see death from a different perspective. If I could enjoy and feel so good only in tasting that "beautiful world" inside that Jaguar, how much more God has in store for us. The bliss of eternity is way more than the short glimpse inside that Jaguar. Although death of a loved one is always painful, I want to believe that in the end, it must feel so so so good for the one moving from among us to be with God.
P.S. Well, it's embarrassing to admit that I wouldn't mind another trip with that Jaguar, a longer one if possible. Oh no, this should not be read as part of the spiritual reflection.
Showing posts with label liberation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label liberation. Show all posts
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Misplaced Wallet
“Misplaced Wallet”
Lent 2010 – Day 22b; Sunday, March 14.
Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
I just returned from leading an over-night recollection for a group of laypeople. I quickly packed my things, since I didn’t want to be caught in traffic. Once everything was done, I realized that I couldn’t find my wallet. I searched inside my bags, even under the bed and pillows, and under my car seat. Then a horrible thought: “Has it been stolen?” I decided to take all my clothes out of my backpack, and voila!
What a relief! It was my fault. Yet my first reaction was to put the blame on someone else. I knew there was a deep anger. This sounds so familiar. It became clear to me, that I don’t always want to claim full responsibility for the pain of sin. While I can admit that I have made mistakes, there have been times when I tried to justify a bit by saying that I was just a victim, or that it just happened in a finger snap!
It’s a real challenge to move from saying “I have been led astray by others” to “I have made a wrong choice.” The pain in making this move is truly liberating.
Lent 2010 – Day 22b; Sunday, March 14.
Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
I just returned from leading an over-night recollection for a group of laypeople. I quickly packed my things, since I didn’t want to be caught in traffic. Once everything was done, I realized that I couldn’t find my wallet. I searched inside my bags, even under the bed and pillows, and under my car seat. Then a horrible thought: “Has it been stolen?” I decided to take all my clothes out of my backpack, and voila!
What a relief! It was my fault. Yet my first reaction was to put the blame on someone else. I knew there was a deep anger. This sounds so familiar. It became clear to me, that I don’t always want to claim full responsibility for the pain of sin. While I can admit that I have made mistakes, there have been times when I tried to justify a bit by saying that I was just a victim, or that it just happened in a finger snap!
It’s a real challenge to move from saying “I have been led astray by others” to “I have made a wrong choice.” The pain in making this move is truly liberating.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Sickly Boy
“Sickly Boy”
Lent 2010 – Day 11; Monday, March 1.
Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
When I was a little boy, I used to be sickly. I disappointed my big brother for not being able to play outside with him. I made my dad feel desperate. I made my mom worry. My little sister became my closest friend. People around me kept making a remark: “You are such a sickly boy.” Without knowing it, I began to internalize it and convince myself: Yes, I’m sickly.
I bore that remark for many years. My fellow seminarians, as well as my Jesuit brothers, continued the same remark. Then the day of liberation arrived. I was sent to Rome. No one knew my history. No one made that remark. And guess what? I became healthier and healthier. Today, every time I do my exercises, I remember that liberation. Innocent judgment can be deadly!
If Lent is time to be set free one more time, it’s also my responsibility to set others free. To do that, I would begin by turning my judgments against others into words of appreciation.
Lent 2010 – Day 11; Monday, March 1.
Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
When I was a little boy, I used to be sickly. I disappointed my big brother for not being able to play outside with him. I made my dad feel desperate. I made my mom worry. My little sister became my closest friend. People around me kept making a remark: “You are such a sickly boy.” Without knowing it, I began to internalize it and convince myself: Yes, I’m sickly.
I bore that remark for many years. My fellow seminarians, as well as my Jesuit brothers, continued the same remark. Then the day of liberation arrived. I was sent to Rome. No one knew my history. No one made that remark. And guess what? I became healthier and healthier. Today, every time I do my exercises, I remember that liberation. Innocent judgment can be deadly!
If Lent is time to be set free one more time, it’s also my responsibility to set others free. To do that, I would begin by turning my judgments against others into words of appreciation.
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