“Scary U-Turn”
Lent 2010 – Day 1 (Ash Wednesday); February 17.
Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
I hate making a U-Turn at certain spots in my neighborhood. Why? It always feels like fighting a battle. Rarely will the vehicles from the opposite direction stop or slow down. On the contrary, they seem to speed up nastily when they see I need to get in. Things can get worse during the rush hour. If I can avoid making U-Turn, I will certainly opt for it.
Here I am, another year, another Ash Wednesday, another Lent. If conversion is like going back by making a U-Turn, I know why it is sometimes hard. It requires patience and the right moves. Making an abrupt and reckless U-Turn can cause a collision. Yet, making a very slow move can also cause a collision. I guess that’s my prayer: “God, grant me patience and teach me the right moves during this time of conversion.”
If conversion is indeed a battle, it is no doubt a battle worth fighting for. Hesitation to go through it will only reveal my true self as a coward.
Showing posts with label winning the battle. Show all posts
Showing posts with label winning the battle. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Winner or Looser?
“Winner or Looser?”
Lent 2009 – Day 22 (Mar 21)
By Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
I was driving to give my evening lecture yesterday when I saw a tiny city car waiting to get in. I slowed down, let that car in, and felt good about it. However, as we were approaching the traffic light and I saw that it was green, my attitude changed. I began to be anxious, kept looking at the green light, and impatiently honked several times as I angrily said, “Come on lady, speed up!” That tiny car in front of me had just passed through, when the green light turned yellow, and immediately red. I stopped angrily. “This is what I got for being nice!” After that, when I saw a car waiting to get in, I sped up and honked aggressively. I did it twice. Hooray…! For a moment, there was a sense of victory. I lost the battle against one tiny car, but I won the battle against two bigger ones! This actually means: “I lost when I was good; I won when I was bad!”
The more I drive in this chaotic Jakarta, the more I realize that city streets can become a battlefield between “a looser” and “a winner.” However, the real battlefield is in my own heart. How I want to win the battle? By being and doing good, or by being and doing bad? The Pharisee believes that he is a winner, because he has done many good things. Another man, a tax collector, believes that he is a looser, because all that he has done were bad. Yet, in terms of honesty before God, the Pharisee is a looser, and the tax collector is a winner. How come? When I sin, I wound myself, but God will bandage my wounds. When I sin, I become a looser, but when I admit and confess my sins to God, I become a winner. Loosing and winning doesn’t depend simply on a list of bad or good deeds. It requires a personal heart-to-heart relationship with God.
Holiness is not just about avoiding what is bad, but also about doing what is good. Never buy the city street wisdom “When you are good, you are a looser; when you are bad, you are a winner.” Embrace the real truth: “When you are good, you might become a looser in the eyes of people around you, but you are a winner in the eyes of God!”
Lent 2009 – Day 22 (Mar 21)
By Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
I was driving to give my evening lecture yesterday when I saw a tiny city car waiting to get in. I slowed down, let that car in, and felt good about it. However, as we were approaching the traffic light and I saw that it was green, my attitude changed. I began to be anxious, kept looking at the green light, and impatiently honked several times as I angrily said, “Come on lady, speed up!” That tiny car in front of me had just passed through, when the green light turned yellow, and immediately red. I stopped angrily. “This is what I got for being nice!” After that, when I saw a car waiting to get in, I sped up and honked aggressively. I did it twice. Hooray…! For a moment, there was a sense of victory. I lost the battle against one tiny car, but I won the battle against two bigger ones! This actually means: “I lost when I was good; I won when I was bad!”
The more I drive in this chaotic Jakarta, the more I realize that city streets can become a battlefield between “a looser” and “a winner.” However, the real battlefield is in my own heart. How I want to win the battle? By being and doing good, or by being and doing bad? The Pharisee believes that he is a winner, because he has done many good things. Another man, a tax collector, believes that he is a looser, because all that he has done were bad. Yet, in terms of honesty before God, the Pharisee is a looser, and the tax collector is a winner. How come? When I sin, I wound myself, but God will bandage my wounds. When I sin, I become a looser, but when I admit and confess my sins to God, I become a winner. Loosing and winning doesn’t depend simply on a list of bad or good deeds. It requires a personal heart-to-heart relationship with God.
Holiness is not just about avoiding what is bad, but also about doing what is good. Never buy the city street wisdom “When you are good, you are a looser; when you are bad, you are a winner.” Embrace the real truth: “When you are good, you might become a looser in the eyes of people around you, but you are a winner in the eyes of God!”
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