Touched by Love

"Touched by Love"
Lent 2009; Day 1 – Ash Wednesday (Feb 25)

By Deshi Ramadhani, SJ

I was standing in front of the check-out counter at the Graduate Theological Union library in Berkeley, California. A person next to me asked the librarian with a low voice: “What’s going on? I saw black marks on people’s foreheads.” Without hesitation the librarian replied, still with a low voice: “They are Catholics.” I just smiled, though my mind spoke: “Duh…what ignorance…where have you been all this time? And here we are in this so-called inter-denominational holy hill.” I did have sympathy for that person, but that incident keeps coming back in my memory every year on Ash Wednesday.

Yes, we are Catholics. Every year we make a bold statement to those around us with some “black marks” on our foreheads. Contrary to our normal and human tendency in any other days, we do not wipe and clean our foreheads. That “dirt” does not embarrass us. Not only that, it even makes us proud. It is the time of the year when we make a bold and public confession: “Yes, we are Catholics! Yes, I AM Roman Catholic!”

Dirt becomes our identity as Roman Catholics. It is a very deep symbolism that we will carry throughout Lent. The prophet Joel reminds us: “Rend your hearts, not your clothes!” In the Hebrew mind, the heart is the center of consciousness. Rending our hearts means breaking our own center of consciousness. It means that we loose control of our own likings. More precisely, we let go of our own grips on our likings of sins. If sin is dirty, when we let some dirt be placed on our foreheads, we actually say to God: “I no longer hide my sins. Here it is. Here they are.”

Yes, sin is dirty. Therefore what Jesus reminds us is very suggestive: “When you fast, don’t show off!” If your stomach feels the pains of being empty, don’t tell the whole world by the expression on your face. But why? Isn’t it the most natural way of being human? Exactly at this point we may miss the great teaching of Jesus. We pull out the dirt from our hearts and put it on our foreheads, because we make a decision that from now on the only ingredient in our hearts will be God’s love.

We make a bold and public confession by the black mark on our foreheads. However, the more important confession is somewhere hidden in our hearts. The dirt on our foreheads shouts to the whole world that our hearts have indeed been touched (again) by God’s love. For some, to be touched by God’s love is scary. It may end up being asked to let go of many things in life. Yet, for me, it is even scarier to have hearts devoid of God’s love.

Today, we are proud of what usually is considered an embarrassment: dirt on our face! Dirt speaks up loudly that we are reconciled with God. Dirt therefore points to that divine love, the only love that will satisfy all our longings. Yes, we are Catholics. Yes, we are touched again in this joyful season by God’s love.