“An Active Business”
Lent 2009 – Day 12 (Mar 10)
By Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
I’m afraid that if Jesus were preaching today, He would give this warning to His disciples: “Listen to what Father Deshi says, do what he tells you, but don’t ever do what he does!” Yes, preaching is one thing, practicing what I preach is another. In fact, for me as a priest, preaching the Good News is more enjoyable than practicing it in my own life. You’d better hope that Jesus wouldn’t say this to your kids: “Listen to what your parents say, do what they tell you, but be sure, don’t do what they do”?
There is a responsible question to ask every night before falling asleep: “How much of my preaching have I myself practiced?” In my case, at times I have become too passive in my conversion. The Good News that says “though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow” always comforts me. Yet, I pretend not to look at the other side of the coin: “Stop doing evil, learn to do good…!” I want to passively get God’s love for myself, but I don’t want to actively show it to others.
Unexpected thing that happens – like when your Dad was rushed to the emergency room – may serve as a reminder: “Do what you teach…learn to do good…” Actually I’m not always aware of such soft whisper from God. Conversion is also an active business.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Forgiveness-Addict
“Forgiveness-Addict”
Lent 2009 – Day 11 (Mar 9)
By Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
The English word “addiction” comes from Latin “addicere,” which is a combination of “ad” (to) and “dicere” (say). Literally, it means “to say to (something),” or more precisely “to say yes to (something).” Hence, an addict is nonetheless “a devotee.” If you are addicted, you are “devoted” in the very meaning of the word. Yet, if initially “addicere” points to your freedom to say yes, today it points to your lack thereof. It means just the opposite. When you are addicted, you are dependant, chained, enslaved, not free!
Someone says that if we want to change the world, we can begin by bringing back the original meaning to every word. If this is true, I can proudly say “I am a forgiveness-addict.” It works both ways. I realize that I’m really dependant on God’s forgiveness as well as others’. I can’t live without forgiveness. The moment God or others stop to supply me with forgiveness, I certainly die. Yet, at the same time, I have to renew my choice everyday that I want to devote myself to be forgiven and to forgive.
Forgiveness is the life-giving blood of the covenant between God and me, a covenant between a faithful God and an unfaithful me. Should I measure up others or myself, that measurement is forgiveness. If I am a real forgiveness-addict, I’m on the right track to be set free.
Lent 2009 – Day 11 (Mar 9)
By Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
The English word “addiction” comes from Latin “addicere,” which is a combination of “ad” (to) and “dicere” (say). Literally, it means “to say to (something),” or more precisely “to say yes to (something).” Hence, an addict is nonetheless “a devotee.” If you are addicted, you are “devoted” in the very meaning of the word. Yet, if initially “addicere” points to your freedom to say yes, today it points to your lack thereof. It means just the opposite. When you are addicted, you are dependant, chained, enslaved, not free!
Someone says that if we want to change the world, we can begin by bringing back the original meaning to every word. If this is true, I can proudly say “I am a forgiveness-addict.” It works both ways. I realize that I’m really dependant on God’s forgiveness as well as others’. I can’t live without forgiveness. The moment God or others stop to supply me with forgiveness, I certainly die. Yet, at the same time, I have to renew my choice everyday that I want to devote myself to be forgiven and to forgive.
Forgiveness is the life-giving blood of the covenant between God and me, a covenant between a faithful God and an unfaithful me. Should I measure up others or myself, that measurement is forgiveness. If I am a real forgiveness-addict, I’m on the right track to be set free.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
A Twist in the Plot
“A Twist in the Plot”
Lent 2009 – Second Sunday Year B (Mar 8)
By Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
What is a bad movie? It’s when you can tell right from the beginning how the movie will end, and you’re right. What is a good movie? It’s when you keep guessing how the movie will end, and you only know the answer when the movie ends. What is a very good movie? It’s when you’re sure about the end, but toward the end there’s a twist in the plot, and you are totally surprised by the completely unexpected end. If life or faith life is a movie, it is indeed a very good one.
Abraham has to go through such a twist in his faith life when out of the blue God asks him to sacrifice his only and beloved son, Isaac. The disciples on the mountain are so sure about how Jesus’ life story is all about. Jesus reminds them not to be so. A lot needs to unveil. The disciples will only know Jesus on another mountain. This one is called Golgotha! Yes, if you really want to know Jesus, wait till you are shocked by the twist in the end.
Blessed Mother of Calcutta is known to have said: “If you want to make God laugh, tell God your plans!” Then after God is done with the laughter, God will tell you: “My child, wait until the twist in your life story.” Lent is a wonderful time to train our faith to be ready for any twists. Jesus is the unexpected twist in the history of the whole humanity. It is precisely this twist that makes it “a very good movie” of all ages.
Lent 2009 – Second Sunday Year B (Mar 8)
By Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
What is a bad movie? It’s when you can tell right from the beginning how the movie will end, and you’re right. What is a good movie? It’s when you keep guessing how the movie will end, and you only know the answer when the movie ends. What is a very good movie? It’s when you’re sure about the end, but toward the end there’s a twist in the plot, and you are totally surprised by the completely unexpected end. If life or faith life is a movie, it is indeed a very good one.
Abraham has to go through such a twist in his faith life when out of the blue God asks him to sacrifice his only and beloved son, Isaac. The disciples on the mountain are so sure about how Jesus’ life story is all about. Jesus reminds them not to be so. A lot needs to unveil. The disciples will only know Jesus on another mountain. This one is called Golgotha! Yes, if you really want to know Jesus, wait till you are shocked by the twist in the end.
Blessed Mother of Calcutta is known to have said: “If you want to make God laugh, tell God your plans!” Then after God is done with the laughter, God will tell you: “My child, wait until the twist in your life story.” Lent is a wonderful time to train our faith to be ready for any twists. Jesus is the unexpected twist in the history of the whole humanity. It is precisely this twist that makes it “a very good movie” of all ages.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Be a True Perfectionist!
“Be a True Perfectionist!”
Lent 2009 – Day 10 (Mar 7)
By Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
I used to be a perfectionist, even a hard-liner of the sort. As a teenager I didn’t go to sleep before making sure that everything was perfect. I would literally go around the house and check everything. Pictures on the wall, cushions on the sofas, rugs beneath tables, photo frames, and everything else, you name it (I even checked whether the Crucifix was still straightly hanging on the wall!). Thanks to my dear and only sister who always warned me, now I have become a very mild perfectionist. I mean, I’m no longer dominated by that impulse for perfection in everything, but I can determine when, where, and how I want to be perfect. (No wonder I can be comfortable now with the clutter on my desk).
Jesus says: “Be perfect as your Father in heaven!” What’s the deal with this Father? This is so obvious: this Father gives the sun and the rain for the good and the bad! For this Father, to be perfect means to embrace everyone. A true perfectionist therefore is not self-centered, but others-centered. If the Father is an all-embracing perfectionist, how is Jesus, the Son? Jesus not only asks us to love our loved ones and our enemies. The day will come when Jesus says: “This is my Body, my Blood,…for you and FOR ALL.” In other words, Jesus says: “What I give will embrace everyone.” As His Father, Jesus is an all-embracing perfectionist.
Do you want to be perfect? Do you really want to be faithful to God’s commands and ordinances? If you do, be sure, there is a school of perfection, offered to you, free of charge. That school is called “the Eucharist,” “the Holy Mass.” That is the privileged training camp for us to learn to embrace everyone, the good and the bad.
Lent 2009 – Day 10 (Mar 7)
By Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
I used to be a perfectionist, even a hard-liner of the sort. As a teenager I didn’t go to sleep before making sure that everything was perfect. I would literally go around the house and check everything. Pictures on the wall, cushions on the sofas, rugs beneath tables, photo frames, and everything else, you name it (I even checked whether the Crucifix was still straightly hanging on the wall!). Thanks to my dear and only sister who always warned me, now I have become a very mild perfectionist. I mean, I’m no longer dominated by that impulse for perfection in everything, but I can determine when, where, and how I want to be perfect. (No wonder I can be comfortable now with the clutter on my desk).
Jesus says: “Be perfect as your Father in heaven!” What’s the deal with this Father? This is so obvious: this Father gives the sun and the rain for the good and the bad! For this Father, to be perfect means to embrace everyone. A true perfectionist therefore is not self-centered, but others-centered. If the Father is an all-embracing perfectionist, how is Jesus, the Son? Jesus not only asks us to love our loved ones and our enemies. The day will come when Jesus says: “This is my Body, my Blood,…for you and FOR ALL.” In other words, Jesus says: “What I give will embrace everyone.” As His Father, Jesus is an all-embracing perfectionist.
Do you want to be perfect? Do you really want to be faithful to God’s commands and ordinances? If you do, be sure, there is a school of perfection, offered to you, free of charge. That school is called “the Eucharist,” “the Holy Mass.” That is the privileged training camp for us to learn to embrace everyone, the good and the bad.
Friday, March 6, 2009
God as Band-Aid
“God as Band-Aid”
Lent 2009 – Day 9 (Mar 6)
By Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
Who wants my conversion? Humanly speaking, I don’t. The only one who really wants my conversion is God. I’m just too comfortable with the way I have been hiding my sins. I’m fine with this and I’ve been smart enough in doing all this hiding. Sinning is serious, but hiding my sins is even more serious. Like Adam and Eve in the Garden. If the first sin is eating the fruit of knowledge about good and evil as a sin of doubting the gift from God, the second and more serious sin is hiding before God. After sin, Adam and Eve really learned how not to treat God as God the all-knowing.
Do you know “Band-Aid”? We use it when we accidentally cut ourselves. We use it to cover the cut, and wait till the cut is healed. After that, I simply peel the “Band-Aid” off and discard it. The dried blood stain on it will also be thrown away. That’s how I treat God at times, no more than just a “Band-Aid.” I use God when I need, and discard God when I’m healed. The sign of my wound symbolized by the dried blood stain will go away when I discard God on a trash, and never want to see it again. No one wants to put a used “Band-Aid” in a nice frame and hang it in his or her living room!
Convincing myself for a long time that everything is fine will drain up all my inner resources. In the process, God becomes a mere object. The good news is: for God, no matter what, I’m God’s precious child. God will just wait. How much longer do I want to make God wait?
Lent 2009 – Day 9 (Mar 6)
By Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
Who wants my conversion? Humanly speaking, I don’t. The only one who really wants my conversion is God. I’m just too comfortable with the way I have been hiding my sins. I’m fine with this and I’ve been smart enough in doing all this hiding. Sinning is serious, but hiding my sins is even more serious. Like Adam and Eve in the Garden. If the first sin is eating the fruit of knowledge about good and evil as a sin of doubting the gift from God, the second and more serious sin is hiding before God. After sin, Adam and Eve really learned how not to treat God as God the all-knowing.
Do you know “Band-Aid”? We use it when we accidentally cut ourselves. We use it to cover the cut, and wait till the cut is healed. After that, I simply peel the “Band-Aid” off and discard it. The dried blood stain on it will also be thrown away. That’s how I treat God at times, no more than just a “Band-Aid.” I use God when I need, and discard God when I’m healed. The sign of my wound symbolized by the dried blood stain will go away when I discard God on a trash, and never want to see it again. No one wants to put a used “Band-Aid” in a nice frame and hang it in his or her living room!
Convincing myself for a long time that everything is fine will drain up all my inner resources. In the process, God becomes a mere object. The good news is: for God, no matter what, I’m God’s precious child. God will just wait. How much longer do I want to make God wait?
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Learning to Drive
“Learning to Drive”
Lent 2009 – Day 8 (Mar 5)
By Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
Remember the first day you learned to drive a car? For me, the first skill I had to learn was how to coordinate my both legs (the left leg for the clutch pedal [you don’t have this, if you drive a “matic”]; the right leg for the brake pedal and the accelerator pedal), with my both hands (the left hand for the gearshift stick; the right for the steering wheel). Well, I know, actually, there is a lot more that my legs and hands need to learn to do. However, to put it simply, for me the secret of a good driving is to know “the right move, on the right time, with the right push.” You can feel the impact in the whole car if one of these three aspects is not “right.” When you are comfortable with this, the only thing left is to determine how much push you give on the accelerator pedal (this, I admit, is where I’m very weak; those who know me always tease me: “It will take forever to get there if you drive.” Oh well, I take it as a compliment, though).
Somehow I began to think that praying or making petitions to God is like learning to drive. After all these years journeying with God, I still need to learn about “the right move, on the right time, with the right push.” There are opposite extremes taught by spiritual teachers (or by those who believe to be so). Some teach that we need to insist boldly what we want from God. If necessary, so they teach, tell God every single detail in your petition. This is not for God, since God is all-knowing, but for us, to help us realize how dependent we are to God. Others teach just the opposite. They teach that we don’t even ask for anything at all. Just trust God who already knows everything about us. The former position is criticized as being too picky towards God, or even too pretentious. The latter is criticized as being too lame toward God, or even too ignorant about our own needs. Therefore it is not always crystal clear what to say when people ask me about this. However, I’m tempted to say: “Just think about driving.”
There are times when I need to be slow, but there are also times when I need to be a bit faster. No manual can tell me exactly when I need to shift the gear. No manual can tell everything on how and when to brake. The basic principle rings true: “the right move, on the right time, with the right push.” Forgive me for using such a banal analogy for something so spiritual like making petitions to God. What I’m trying to say is simple. As in driving, each one of us needs to create a certain “bonding” with each car, so too with God. In other words, rather than finding an answer for every single case in praying, I’d rather listen to the dynamics of my own relationship with God. Either I insist “God, you must do this now!” or I trust “God, you know me, do whatever you want,” I do this because of my relationship with God. God is OK with either type of prayer.
Queen Esther has to face a big challenge, a life-threatening danger. So she insists: “Come to my help, for I am alone and have no one but you, Lord!” Jesus directs us on the same path: to ask, search, and knock. In other words, Jesus is telling me: “Deshi, whenever you need something from me, never hesitate to come to me. I will always answer!” Wow! What a guarantee! However, in case I might think that I am allowed to ask for anything whatsoever from God, and be given, Jesus gives a clear reminder. God the Father in heaven will always give what is “good.” So, I hear God telling me: “Deshi, here is the deal. Anytime you ask for what is good, search for what is good, knock for what is good, and when what you think to be good really conforms to what I think to be good, trust Me, I will always, always, always give it to you. The how or when is My business, not yours.” Either you insist, or simply not saying much, it doesn’t matter. What really matters is that conformity between you and God in terms of what is good. The “good” will determine what is “right” to do when I make petitions to God. Yes, “the right move, on the right time, with the right push.” The next time you drive, think about your prayer life. Happy praying!
Lent 2009 – Day 8 (Mar 5)
By Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
Remember the first day you learned to drive a car? For me, the first skill I had to learn was how to coordinate my both legs (the left leg for the clutch pedal [you don’t have this, if you drive a “matic”]; the right leg for the brake pedal and the accelerator pedal), with my both hands (the left hand for the gearshift stick; the right for the steering wheel). Well, I know, actually, there is a lot more that my legs and hands need to learn to do. However, to put it simply, for me the secret of a good driving is to know “the right move, on the right time, with the right push.” You can feel the impact in the whole car if one of these three aspects is not “right.” When you are comfortable with this, the only thing left is to determine how much push you give on the accelerator pedal (this, I admit, is where I’m very weak; those who know me always tease me: “It will take forever to get there if you drive.” Oh well, I take it as a compliment, though).
Somehow I began to think that praying or making petitions to God is like learning to drive. After all these years journeying with God, I still need to learn about “the right move, on the right time, with the right push.” There are opposite extremes taught by spiritual teachers (or by those who believe to be so). Some teach that we need to insist boldly what we want from God. If necessary, so they teach, tell God every single detail in your petition. This is not for God, since God is all-knowing, but for us, to help us realize how dependent we are to God. Others teach just the opposite. They teach that we don’t even ask for anything at all. Just trust God who already knows everything about us. The former position is criticized as being too picky towards God, or even too pretentious. The latter is criticized as being too lame toward God, or even too ignorant about our own needs. Therefore it is not always crystal clear what to say when people ask me about this. However, I’m tempted to say: “Just think about driving.”
There are times when I need to be slow, but there are also times when I need to be a bit faster. No manual can tell me exactly when I need to shift the gear. No manual can tell everything on how and when to brake. The basic principle rings true: “the right move, on the right time, with the right push.” Forgive me for using such a banal analogy for something so spiritual like making petitions to God. What I’m trying to say is simple. As in driving, each one of us needs to create a certain “bonding” with each car, so too with God. In other words, rather than finding an answer for every single case in praying, I’d rather listen to the dynamics of my own relationship with God. Either I insist “God, you must do this now!” or I trust “God, you know me, do whatever you want,” I do this because of my relationship with God. God is OK with either type of prayer.
Queen Esther has to face a big challenge, a life-threatening danger. So she insists: “Come to my help, for I am alone and have no one but you, Lord!” Jesus directs us on the same path: to ask, search, and knock. In other words, Jesus is telling me: “Deshi, whenever you need something from me, never hesitate to come to me. I will always answer!” Wow! What a guarantee! However, in case I might think that I am allowed to ask for anything whatsoever from God, and be given, Jesus gives a clear reminder. God the Father in heaven will always give what is “good.” So, I hear God telling me: “Deshi, here is the deal. Anytime you ask for what is good, search for what is good, knock for what is good, and when what you think to be good really conforms to what I think to be good, trust Me, I will always, always, always give it to you. The how or when is My business, not yours.” Either you insist, or simply not saying much, it doesn’t matter. What really matters is that conformity between you and God in terms of what is good. The “good” will determine what is “right” to do when I make petitions to God. Yes, “the right move, on the right time, with the right push.” The next time you drive, think about your prayer life. Happy praying!
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Tiny Sign of Hope
“Tiny Sign of Hope”
Lent 2009 – Day 7 (Mar 4)
By Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
Talking about the child within? Well, let me tell you this. Beside my pillow, there are Nemo and Dory. Yes, I sleep with fish! My favorite scene in the movie "Finding Nemo" is when Marlin is in a deep crisis and wants to give up, believing that he will never find back his son Nemo. Dory, the blue fish with short-term memory problem, tries her best (you can hear the funny voice of Ellen DeGeneres here). This is my favorite line said by Dory to the frustrated Marlin: “…And-and I look at you, and I... I'm home! Please. I don't want that to go away. I don't want to forget…” Without knowing, Dory has been able to overcome her short-term memory problem simply by being with Marlin. For me this is a beautiful scene that shows how imperfect persons can go beyond the barrier in each one of them simply by sharing the slightest hope that still remains. For Dory, this tiny sign of hope is that as long as Marlin is around, she can remember certain things!
Jonah is not a perfect prophet at all. He ran away the first time he heard God’s call. The beauty in this story is that God doesn’t give up on Jonah. God tries again, and this time Jonah obeys. Not only that. That fragile prophet simply gives a warning: “Folks, only forty days left!” To his surprise, those words turn out to be powerful. All have to repent! (I can’t help thinking of those poor animals that suddenly have to fast!). Imagine the life in the city of Nineveh during those fasting days. Those days are filled with little story-telling here and there. Those days become special because they simply hold on to the tiny sign of hope that still remains. “Who knows, if we repent, God will not condemn us,” so they think. They aren’t even sure about what God would do to them. Here we see something very beautiful. Something, I believe, that God did on purpose in order to teach Jonah. Here we see how repentance becomes the only hope of life. The choice between persisting in sin and repenting from sin becomes the choice between death and life.
In the time of Jesus, people around Him seem to have lost their ability to see such tiny sign of hope. Repentance has become, so to speak, a cheap business. In the free market of life out there, the call to repentance doesn’t sell easily. In a sense, that is the situation in which we live today. How often we dream of a spectacular experience of repentance? Only “if” I hear that famous preacher, I will be touched deeply to repent. Only “if” I see a miracle in my brother’s life, I will repent. Only “if” God can really erase poverty from the face of the earth, I will repent. Only “if” there is a dramatic improvement in the stock market, I will certainly repent. The list can go on and on. Just think about the many “ifs” in your life. Or, simply think of all the “ifs” you have told yourself during these first days of Lent. You don’t need any more signs. The very fact that you are alive is a sign from God that you are still granted enough time to repent. It is the tiny sign of hope to which you should cling: repent!
Lent 2009 – Day 7 (Mar 4)
By Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
Talking about the child within? Well, let me tell you this. Beside my pillow, there are Nemo and Dory. Yes, I sleep with fish! My favorite scene in the movie "Finding Nemo" is when Marlin is in a deep crisis and wants to give up, believing that he will never find back his son Nemo. Dory, the blue fish with short-term memory problem, tries her best (you can hear the funny voice of Ellen DeGeneres here). This is my favorite line said by Dory to the frustrated Marlin: “…And-and I look at you, and I... I'm home! Please. I don't want that to go away. I don't want to forget…” Without knowing, Dory has been able to overcome her short-term memory problem simply by being with Marlin. For me this is a beautiful scene that shows how imperfect persons can go beyond the barrier in each one of them simply by sharing the slightest hope that still remains. For Dory, this tiny sign of hope is that as long as Marlin is around, she can remember certain things!
Jonah is not a perfect prophet at all. He ran away the first time he heard God’s call. The beauty in this story is that God doesn’t give up on Jonah. God tries again, and this time Jonah obeys. Not only that. That fragile prophet simply gives a warning: “Folks, only forty days left!” To his surprise, those words turn out to be powerful. All have to repent! (I can’t help thinking of those poor animals that suddenly have to fast!). Imagine the life in the city of Nineveh during those fasting days. Those days are filled with little story-telling here and there. Those days become special because they simply hold on to the tiny sign of hope that still remains. “Who knows, if we repent, God will not condemn us,” so they think. They aren’t even sure about what God would do to them. Here we see something very beautiful. Something, I believe, that God did on purpose in order to teach Jonah. Here we see how repentance becomes the only hope of life. The choice between persisting in sin and repenting from sin becomes the choice between death and life.
In the time of Jesus, people around Him seem to have lost their ability to see such tiny sign of hope. Repentance has become, so to speak, a cheap business. In the free market of life out there, the call to repentance doesn’t sell easily. In a sense, that is the situation in which we live today. How often we dream of a spectacular experience of repentance? Only “if” I hear that famous preacher, I will be touched deeply to repent. Only “if” I see a miracle in my brother’s life, I will repent. Only “if” God can really erase poverty from the face of the earth, I will repent. Only “if” there is a dramatic improvement in the stock market, I will certainly repent. The list can go on and on. Just think about the many “ifs” in your life. Or, simply think of all the “ifs” you have told yourself during these first days of Lent. You don’t need any more signs. The very fact that you are alive is a sign from God that you are still granted enough time to repent. It is the tiny sign of hope to which you should cling: repent!
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