“Sign of Strength”
Lent 2010 – Day 18; Tuesday, March 9.
Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
I realize that I get angry easily whenever another vehicle edges into my lane. My first reaction is usually honking loudly. If I have extra time I’ll do my best to beat it back. When there’s enough space, I’d speed up, edge back into the lane, and brake a bit to create suspense. I feel victorious.
That kind of anger is actually a sign of my weakness. It’s like letting all my dignity be disturbed by simple thing. Sometimes I need to tell myself: “Take it easy. Your dignity is way too high to be robbed by such thing.” It’s not always easy. Yet, when I do refuse to revenge, I actually show my true strength.
When I decide not to forgive others who hurt me, I actually inflict upon myself a lot more severe punishment. I put myself in chains. When I forgive, I set myself free.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
Who Is the Owner?
“Who Is the Owner?”
Lent 2010 – Day 17; Monday, March 8.
Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
I was a teenager. My big brother had just learned how to drive. We were about to get back to our car from the grocery when we spotted two nice girls walking by. I said to my brother: “Come on! Quick! They will disappear soon!” He obediently backed up the car at full speed, and….. There was a car parked right behind our car!
People rushed to the site. My brother looked calmly at the damage, and said, “Well, not bad!” A man angrily responded: “Not bad?” To this, my brother innocently asked: “Who is the owner?” The same man got angrier and said sharply: “I am!” Ouch… The owner just claimed his property. He would do anything to defend it.
For a very long time I have asked God to “heal” me. No answer. Why? Because actually I don’t really want God claim me as God’s property. I still want to own myself.
Lent 2010 – Day 17; Monday, March 8.
Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
I was a teenager. My big brother had just learned how to drive. We were about to get back to our car from the grocery when we spotted two nice girls walking by. I said to my brother: “Come on! Quick! They will disappear soon!” He obediently backed up the car at full speed, and….. There was a car parked right behind our car!
People rushed to the site. My brother looked calmly at the damage, and said, “Well, not bad!” A man angrily responded: “Not bad?” To this, my brother innocently asked: “Who is the owner?” The same man got angrier and said sharply: “I am!” Ouch… The owner just claimed his property. He would do anything to defend it.
For a very long time I have asked God to “heal” me. No answer. Why? Because actually I don’t really want God claim me as God’s property. I still want to own myself.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Fifty Thousand Bill
“Fifty Thousand Bill”
Lent 2010 – Day 16b; Sunday, March 7.
Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
I was approaching the toll gate to the highway this afternoon. The toll was nine thousand, and I had a fifty thousand bill ready. I opened my window, not knowing that there was a strong wind. My fifty thousand bill was blown away from my hand. I panicked, stopped my car, and got off. Thank God, the money lied still just there, close to the tire.
Had it been blown far away, I would certainly have felt a big loss. Fifty thousand bill plus nine thousand in total! It was not so much about the value itself, but it was about my dignity. How could I be so stupid? That sounds so much like sin. When I sin, I pay too much for something that is actually so cheap. Sadly, I don’t think about my dignity.
Conversion is not so much about saying no to sin, as saying yes to the true me. If I can get for free a first-class stuff, why do I still spend so much for rubbish?
Lent 2010 – Day 16b; Sunday, March 7.
Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
I was approaching the toll gate to the highway this afternoon. The toll was nine thousand, and I had a fifty thousand bill ready. I opened my window, not knowing that there was a strong wind. My fifty thousand bill was blown away from my hand. I panicked, stopped my car, and got off. Thank God, the money lied still just there, close to the tire.
Had it been blown far away, I would certainly have felt a big loss. Fifty thousand bill plus nine thousand in total! It was not so much about the value itself, but it was about my dignity. How could I be so stupid? That sounds so much like sin. When I sin, I pay too much for something that is actually so cheap. Sadly, I don’t think about my dignity.
Conversion is not so much about saying no to sin, as saying yes to the true me. If I can get for free a first-class stuff, why do I still spend so much for rubbish?
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Want to Be Loved?
“Want to Be Loved?”
Lent 2010 – Day 16; Saturday, March 6.
Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
I heard a husband complain about his wife: “She keeps asking me ‘Do you love me?’” He was frustrated. No matter how hard he tries, his wife doesn’t feel loved. The same thing is true with God. Many times has God tried to love me, and I just ignored that love. Yet the good news is: God will always find ways to make me feel loved.
How many Lenten seasons have you ever had? How many plans about fasting or penance have you ever made? How many times have you been frustrated by the same failures even on fasting days like Fridays? Then you might want to give up. Enough! It never works! Why bother? God is unfair. You think that conversion is reserved just for few.
Oh really? But never forget, that those few people are those who let themselves loved totally by God. So the question is quite simple: Do you want to be loved?
Lent 2010 – Day 16; Saturday, March 6.
Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
I heard a husband complain about his wife: “She keeps asking me ‘Do you love me?’” He was frustrated. No matter how hard he tries, his wife doesn’t feel loved. The same thing is true with God. Many times has God tried to love me, and I just ignored that love. Yet the good news is: God will always find ways to make me feel loved.
How many Lenten seasons have you ever had? How many plans about fasting or penance have you ever made? How many times have you been frustrated by the same failures even on fasting days like Fridays? Then you might want to give up. Enough! It never works! Why bother? God is unfair. You think that conversion is reserved just for few.
Oh really? But never forget, that those few people are those who let themselves loved totally by God. So the question is quite simple: Do you want to be loved?
Friday, March 5, 2010
There's Something
“There’s Something”
Lent 2010 – Day 15; Friday, March 5.
Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
This happens many times. You eat and you don’t realize that there is something left just outside your mouth. Everything seems to be normal. Then the person you eat with lets you know. You’re embarrassed and with your fingers try to clean it, not knowing exactly where, until the other person says: “It’s fine now.”
I need someone to point out my mistakes to me. The moment when someone honestly tells me about something stupid that I’m not aware of doing, is actually the moment of exceptional grace. Many times sin is an expression of stupidity. That’s why it can convince us that everything is just fine, while in fact it isn’t.
We act stupidly sometimes out of jealousy. Sin of stupidity is more serious than sin of jealousy itself. Ironically, when you’re jealous, you’re sure that you’re not stupid.
Lent 2010 – Day 15; Friday, March 5.
Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
This happens many times. You eat and you don’t realize that there is something left just outside your mouth. Everything seems to be normal. Then the person you eat with lets you know. You’re embarrassed and with your fingers try to clean it, not knowing exactly where, until the other person says: “It’s fine now.”
I need someone to point out my mistakes to me. The moment when someone honestly tells me about something stupid that I’m not aware of doing, is actually the moment of exceptional grace. Many times sin is an expression of stupidity. That’s why it can convince us that everything is just fine, while in fact it isn’t.
We act stupidly sometimes out of jealousy. Sin of stupidity is more serious than sin of jealousy itself. Ironically, when you’re jealous, you’re sure that you’re not stupid.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
No Signal
“No Signal”
Lent 2010 – Day 14; Thursday, March 4.
Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
Remember the days before the cell phone’s booming? Before you go to meet your friend you need to agree about two basic things: the place and the time. Today you will simply say to each other “When you’re near, give me a call” or “Just text me.” When you realize that there is no signal there, it’s too late! You’re totally lost!
We put too much confidence in our communication gadget, while we have plenty of time and easy way to communicate face to face way ahead. Real encounter becomes less important than the one mediated through the telecommunication network. Sadly, we replace what is “personal” with what is “practical.”
Between me and God? I might simply count on “something” that God can give, but never bother to relate to God as “someone.” Nothing personal; just practical.
Lent 2010 – Day 14; Thursday, March 4.
Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
Remember the days before the cell phone’s booming? Before you go to meet your friend you need to agree about two basic things: the place and the time. Today you will simply say to each other “When you’re near, give me a call” or “Just text me.” When you realize that there is no signal there, it’s too late! You’re totally lost!
We put too much confidence in our communication gadget, while we have plenty of time and easy way to communicate face to face way ahead. Real encounter becomes less important than the one mediated through the telecommunication network. Sadly, we replace what is “personal” with what is “practical.”
Between me and God? I might simply count on “something” that God can give, but never bother to relate to God as “someone.” Nothing personal; just practical.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Did I Order It?
“Did I Order It?”
Lent 2010 – Day 13; Wednesday, March 3.
Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
Have you ever tried a new menu in a new restaurant? Not knowing exactly what to order, I usually look at the picture. Of course, they know how to present good pictures that can make the food look good and so appealing. When the waitress comes, and put the plate in front of me, many times I ask “Did I order it?”
I have heard many times people complain “My life was better before becoming a Christian!” Don’t they know, what they have ordered? If Christianity is like a meal package, whatever you pick, be sure you’re ready to accept the complimentary side dish for free. That is, the cross! Cross is not an exception. It comes with the package.
The clearest sign that you’re on the right track is when you suffer because you do what is really “good,” not what “feels good”!
Lent 2010 – Day 13; Wednesday, March 3.
Deshi Ramadhani, SJ
Have you ever tried a new menu in a new restaurant? Not knowing exactly what to order, I usually look at the picture. Of course, they know how to present good pictures that can make the food look good and so appealing. When the waitress comes, and put the plate in front of me, many times I ask “Did I order it?”
I have heard many times people complain “My life was better before becoming a Christian!” Don’t they know, what they have ordered? If Christianity is like a meal package, whatever you pick, be sure you’re ready to accept the complimentary side dish for free. That is, the cross! Cross is not an exception. It comes with the package.
The clearest sign that you’re on the right track is when you suffer because you do what is really “good,” not what “feels good”!
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